Why The San Diego Chargers Are So Damn Terrible

Philip Rivers. 2nd in passing yards (4,792), 7th in completion percentage (66.1%), 12th in touchdowns (29). Yet, the San Diego Chargers are the big losers of the AFC West. Suffering from heartbreaking loses to the Bengals, Steelers, Packers, Ravens, Bears, and Broncos (Jesus that is a lot of losses) its about time someone is held responsible for this dumpster fire that is the San Diego Chargers.

First on the list, we have the great General Managers Tom Telesco:

The man who couldn’t pour piss out of a boot even if the instructions were written on the heel.

Now, Telesco inherited a mess of a team. A team that had not made the playoffs since 2009 and been underachieving due to injuries and piss poor depth. His “philosophy” was to build a team through the draft (because that’s worked wonders for numerous teams sitting in the top 10 draft picks every year, right?). Upon his arrival Chargers had two really big issues. Secondary and offensive line. 2 years later, guess where the Chargers still struggle? *OG Maco plays in the background* You guessed it! Secondary and Offensive line. Tommy Telesco wanted to build a team through the draft and how does he do that? By trading 4th round picks two consecutive years to move up 2-3 spots. Add to the fact he has a love of undersized players, you now have possibly the least physical team in the NFL.

He has made strides at fixing the offensive line…by filling it with the biggest, least athletic, and injury prone monsters he could find. He did in fact hit a gold mine with Barksdale (the only offensive linemen to stay healthy MOST of the year.) and I truly hope he brings him back. But that is too much of a good idea and I probably shouldn’t be getting my hopes up.

That being said, Telesco’s blunders can magically look like gold mines if he’d just rid a couple (all) staff members. Starting with..

Mike McCoy

The face of a man who can’t wait to kick that field goal even though they’re down 14 midway through the 2nd quarter.

I have a personal level of hatred for McCoy. Being Captain Conservative, piss poor game planning, clock management, and love of field goals drives me insane.

But I could live with all of this (I’m lying) if he would simply admit to his mistakes. Getting McCoy to admit that not burning a timeout was a bad idea is impossible. He won’t point fingers at anyone or himself but he will simply go around the criticism with another question or some hypothetical moment where if he hadn’t have done what he did, they would have screwed.

But ya know, even with his lack of leadership, social skills, coaching expertise, clock management, adjustments, ability to prepare the team and NOT constantly come out from behind, get a winning division record, maximize red zone opportunities, figure out where hell Special Teams went wrong, and develop a run strategy with the given personnel the Chargers felt the need to keep him. For whatever reason.

Frank Reich

Philip: You do know the last 3 draw plays gained us 2 yards total right? Frank: Yeah, but this one is a delayed draw, it’ll work.

This man was awful. When I found out he was interviewing to be the head coach at Maryland, I jumped for joy. No, he didn’t get the job. Maryland was wise. If McCoy is Captain Conservative, Reich was his sidekick. Everyone’s biggest fear with drafting Gordon was Reich was just going to run him up the middle using Draw plays that get stuffed while refusing to do anything else. Refusing to go dual tight end set with Green and Gates. AND THE GOD DAMN DRAW PLAYS (YES I KNOW I MENTIONED THEM. THEY ARE BAD).

He, like McCoy, had a problem with admitting he messed up. Instead of addressing the issue with the draw play he would simply walked to the podium and say  “just because it looks like a draw play, doesn’t mean it is. We have plenty of plays that look like draw plays but are actually something else.”

Frank, if it looked like a duck, walked like a duck, and quacked like a duck. Its a duck. If I can sit from the comfort of my own couch, having zero NFL experience outside of years of Madden and realize we are about to run a draw play, you don’t think actual NFL players know its coming?

Thankfully, Reich was let go after the regular season ended. Thank God.

John Pagano 

That’s a nice secondary you have there…be a shame if someone ruined it.

I had big hopes coming into the season for this secondary. Its been awful. Statistics be damned, this secondary, aside from Jason Verrett (ProFootBall Focus graded him the 5th best corner in the NFL.)  has been terrible. The constant miscues on defense are inexcusable. Having one pass rusher reach double digit sacks since 2007, is really bad. Having a defensive line that can’t generate any pressure is…you get the point.

Pagano is playing with what he has. A bunch of undersized defensive backs and a front seven filled with players from the 2-5 round of the draft. So you’re probably asking “Tyler, if you know all this, why are you so hard on him?”

Because Pagano refuses to play to his players strengths while failing to adjust (like every member of this coaching staff). He’s consistently trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.

Chargers had an elite secondary with a shoddy run defense coming into the year. How does Pagano build on that? By changing his secondary from zone coverage to man. Brandon Flowers (Chargers highest paid free agent) excelled at zone coverage and struggled in man coverage. Man coverage was why he was released from Kansas City. Zone coverage is why he thrived in San Diego and earned a payday. Yet, for whatever reason the Chargers stuck with man coverage until the bitter end. Jason Verrett ranked top 5 in cornerbacks. Brandon Flowers ranked bottom 5. That is not a good trade off by any means.

Honorable Mention:

Dean and Alex Spanos – Tweedle Dee and Tweedle fucking Dumb. These two clowns fail miserably at dealing with their players. They have managed to piss off basically every star player in the best way possible. Now they’ve alienated their whole fan base to move to LA (I think they should move to LA, they’ve just gone about the entire situation in the worst way possible). Seriously, until the Chargers get rid of these two clowns, there will be a hell of lot more 9-7 & 8-8 seasons. These jackasses even managed to fine their star safety (after pissing him off BEYOND belief in the off season) for watching his daughter perform at halftime during a blowout against the Dolphins. Seriously. Fuck these two.


Look, this Chargers team is packed with talent and filled with a bunch of selfless guys and classy guys. That is the problem. This is the 2nd head coach Charger players have stuck their neck out for. And this is the second time where it was not the best choice for the team. Dean and Alex Spanos know that, they know Rivers will never throw a coach under the bus and force their hand. And they’re perfectly okay with that. The team needs a change. Moving the team was in the best interest. I’m sorry San Diego fans, but the city of San Diego does not give a rats ass about this team and leaving San Diego has been long over due.

Firing Reich was a step in the right direction. Keeping McCoy and Pagano was two steps back. Unless major changes are made in the off season, I predict this team to go at best 6-10.

I need a drink.

*You can follow me on Twitter @PlanetTyler . If you like hearing my banter of sports, women, alcohol and other things of course. Yes, I’m annoying.*


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